


Hold On To Me

by xLoveMx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Beauyasha week 2020, Blink and you'll miss it, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, beauyasha - Freeform, implied widojest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: “I was listening for a storm,” the other woman spoke, almost as if she had been able to read Beau’s mind.  “I did that a lot, you know.” Beau nodded, turning her head slightly to look at Yasha, whose eyes were still closed. “When you were gone.”
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 8
Kudos: 98





	Hold On To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Beauyasha week 2020! Today’s prompt is “(listening for) thunder/lightning/storm”   
> This is my absolute favorite prompt, because I was watching the episode where Yasha was left behind with Obann and Beau was listening for a storm, and it BROKE MY HEART.

Sometimes it was still weird for Beau to actually sleep through the night.

Not that she hadn’t before, but ever since they had their own house, and their own beds, it was different. They didn’t have to worry about being ambushed by any creatures, or bandits, at least not without some sort of alarm to warn them beforehand. It was also a little strange not to be so close to her friends when sleeping.

Caleb’s dome hadn’t exactly been huge, it had been big enough to have all of them safely inside, but there had always been an arm in her face whenever she had woken up, or someone else’s back pressed against hers.

It was weird, not having that.

Of course she would have never complained, because they had an entire house now, something that had just been given to them. Granted, they had done the Dynasty a big favor, but the usual payment for something like that was gold, and not a house along with privileges when humans like her would have usually been killed at first sight here.

And it wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate it, not getting killed was pretty good, and having a house was, too. Still, sometimes she simply couldn’t sleep.

She wasn’t the only one though. Jester wasn’t in her bed either and Beau had run into Caduceus making tea in the middle of the night countless times. Sometimes she came across Fjord in the hot tub at three in the morning or found Nott in the kitchen, eating. Neither of them really spoke a lot, but it was comforting in a way, to know that she wasn’t the only one not being able to sleep.

After getting herself a glass of water, she had checked in with Caleb, having seen a faint light coming from his study. He was still up, too, reading and writing into his spell books, while Jester was asleep next to him, head on her own notebook where she had been drawing. Caleb had draped a blanket over her, and his lips curved into a smile as Beau met his eyes.

Nodding, she pulled back, closing the door to head back upstairs.

She had planned on going back to sleep, but stepping up to the balcony door, she caught a glimpse of Yasha. The other woman sat on the floor, leaning against the railing, her eyes closed.

Beau could feel a tug on her stomach and, against her better judgement, opened the door to move outside. Yasha and her hadn’t really talked ever since she had returned to them, and it wasn’t because they didn’t have time.

_Are you okay?_ She wanted to ask, but then didn’t, because of course Yasha wasn’t okay. Neither of them were, really, but Beau knew that she herself would say _Of course_ , as a response, and she would also know that she was lying.

Holding back a sigh, Beau moved to slowly let herself down to the ground next to Yasha, leaning against the railing. It was a clear night, even though there wasn’t much difference to the day here in Rosohna. There were no clouds in sight though, and no rain either. The air was clear, and Beau usually enjoyed nights like these, but she knew that it wasn’t what Yasha preferred.

“I was listening for a storm,” the other woman spoke, almost as if she had been able to read Beau’s mind.

“I did that a lot, you know.” Beau nodded, turning her head slightly to look at Yasha, whose eyes were still closed. “When you were gone.” She had never really spoke about it, but every night she had laid awake, waiting for the sign of a storm. Almost as if she had been waiting for a sign to still believe in Yasha.

Nothing had happened, of course, because there had been that horrible feeling nagging her that she might have never known Yasha at all.

“I’m sorry.” It should have felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but it didn’t, because it wasn’t enough. She hadn’t done everything in her power to get Yasha back, instead she had doubted her and left her with the guy who had controlled her all this time, making her do horrible things she wasn’t able to just block out this time.

“I didn’t…I should have…” Beau trailed off, turning away from the other woman again, eyes closing almost in frustration. This was worse than yelling and being upset, because this was a feeling she couldn’t ignore. The pain and heartbreak of not being able to help the woman she had loved, _still_ loved, and having forced her to endure horrible things just because she had convinced herself that none of this was her fault, and that Yasha had simply never really cared for them at all.

“You were always on my mind,” Yasha eventually broke the silence again, and Beau could feel her chest tightening ever so slightly. “Ever since that first day I met all of you at the circus. And yeah…I came back for Molly, but I also came back for you.” A dry chuckle fell from Yasha’s lips. “I didn’t even…I never told anyone. Not even Molly, but he knew. And…when he was gone, I thought about not coming back, but then I thought about you and…and…I hadn’t felt that way about anyone since…”

Biting her lip, Beau turned her head again, watching Yasha, who had opened her eyes now, but was staring straight ahead instead of looking at her.

“You don’t have to apologize. You guys…you are my family, and the only reason I didn’t put that sword against myself in those small moments when Obann’s control slipped,”

Beau felt her chest tighten again and without even wanting to she reached out to rest her hand on top of Yasha’s between them.

Suddenly there was a faint rumble in the distance, almost as if there was a storm brewing somewhere. When they both looked up, however, the sky was still clear.

“Did you…?” Yasha asked, and Beau nodded, squeezing the other woman’s hand a little.

“Yeah.”

Another rumble could be heard then, a little louder this time, and Yasha suddenly began to laugh. It was quiet at first, almost like a rumble coming from her chest, before she was laughing loudly, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.

It was the first time in a long while that Beau had heard her laugh, and maybe she held on to the other woman’s hand a little tighter then, her own lips curving into a smile until a chuckle fell from them.

And maybe things would be alright if they just sat out here for a little while, holding onto each other, listening for a storm.


End file.
